triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
