Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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