More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
