I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
