Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
