Kiss
Puke
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize