I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
