God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
handjob tips. give me some.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
