I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize