just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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