Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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