Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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