I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
