I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
