I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
