you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
