how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pants are for mortals
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
