Yo dont text me then not text me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
