Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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