Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
