I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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