so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize