Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
