I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You pole danced in your parka.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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