i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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