I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
