it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
