My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
