So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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