I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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