When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
