Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
