I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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