New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
