I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
