it was like his penis was on wheels.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
