would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
