she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize