The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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