I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
