I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
