i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize