New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I believe in your delicious
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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