Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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