Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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