Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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