I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
