I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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