I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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