I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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