A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
