Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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