i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
