I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
