38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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