just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You took a bar mat shot.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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