Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
