had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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