My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need water and some morals
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
