Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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