I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
