I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
