i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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