well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
