I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
