Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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