Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
