i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
don't judge my taste in strippers
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
