What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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