i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
