I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
