And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
