Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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