I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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