when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
