Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am available for nakedness
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
