I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
