Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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