Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
