Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he thought i was a dude.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
