Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize