all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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