don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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