I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
