my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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