I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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