woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
