Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
