Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
