He is an equal opportunity slut.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
