He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
