i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
