I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
