saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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