My friends, they love my intelligence
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
