Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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