I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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