that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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