one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
