so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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