you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
